It's Always the Quiet Ones

Intrigued to learn, from today's Guardian, that famous stoat-resembling football manager Sven Goran-Eriksson owns 150 suits. I suppose a man who effectively received £13,000 a day in unemployment benefits from the FA has little better to do than purchase endless numbers of identical bespoke whistles. Like a northern housewife who just can't give up the tabs, Sven obviously suffers from a serious tailoring problem.

Now this isn't something I can begrudge him; given equal resources, I would do exactly the same I think. Although I can't help but wonder how much more interesting life would be if he branched out a little from his usual blue flannel. A zoot suit would lend a real air of unspoken, mafiosa menace to his half-time team talks, for example. Accessorizing with a cravat could add a sense of louche bravado that has been sorely lacking in Manchester City's play over the past few years.

The article compares Sven to Beau Brummel - this is true, in the sense that both men were rejected by England, and spent their last years as outcasts, living off the kindness of foreign benefactors. Whether Beau Brummel had carnal knowledge of Ulrika Jonsson is not a matter of historical record, but we can only assume that he probably did - another link is formed!

Interestingly, Beau Brummel used to rub his trouser legs with cut glass, to give them that 'worn' look. He also used to wash his boots with champagne, something which the Topman crew have yet to take to heart in the same way.